I’m not that horrible.
Today I came to a realization.
You see, every night I battle worry. I battle fear. I battle feeling like I failed.
Last night as I was going through the same nightly thoughts of “how can I do better tomorrow?” I made a decision. I was going to get a little ahead with my workload so that I could turn the phone off and PLAY with the kids all day long. When I make up my mind to do something it’s a done deal. So I got everything finished and was ready to wake up and just be the coolest mom ever today since yesterday I only had “spurts” of awesome Mom.
This morning was a pb&j for breakfast kind of morning. We snuggled and giggled and headed out for a day of crazy fun on the lake! Before I knew what happened the kids found friends. They completely ditched me. Like, I was suited up y’all. Swimsuit on. Dad watching the baby. I was all in and ready to say YES to them all day! NO DISTRACTIONS! No responsibility dragging me away. Create amazing memories!
... but they didn’t need me to do that. Come to find out, they can still have awesome days - without me.
WELP that’ll put a lump in your throat. It did mine. They had the best day. They never once wondered where I was or what I was doing.
> even when I was literally standing right there in the water while they kayaked with new friends<
They just played. Grady acted 7 and Layla acted 5 (praise God I still have two little ones that still need me). So I learned ...
The days that I think I didn’t do enough, I probably did more than enough. Even though some days are just 30 minute spurts of focused attention here and there - it’s 30 minutes that they love and won’t forget. They are learning to make friends, build relationships, be adventurers, have conversations, problem solve and LIVE without me right there while I am in another world of work, laundry, cooking and cleaning. As much as it’s hard for me to grasp - they NEED that. They need time and memories apart from me. They need to rely on God more than me. They need to hear His voice more than mine.
So come to find out - even on my 30 minute spurt days, I’m not that horrible.
P.S. I didn’t get one single picture of them today because I was serious about the phone being off thing 😂 ... but this was the lake and picture of Chason riding his bike - which is pretty much adorable if you ask me 😉❤️